“And I wanted to tell her that the pleasure for me wasn’t planning or doing or leaving; the pleasure was in seeing our strings cross and separate and then come back together.”
Finished Paper Towns in less than a day thinking it would rid me of the eerie feeling that clung to me after a long struggle to end The Catcher in the Rye. What it did to me, however, was leave me in a kind of depression I once felt years before, when all I wanted to do was escape.
There are a lot of reasons one might hate Margo– I knew I had more than a million, to be honest. But after a few attempts at fully digesting what just hit me, I realized that everything was because of Q after all.
No one told you to run after her, Q– love shouldn’t always be this painful.
Looking back at my past posts–on Facebook, G+, WordPress, Twitter (everywhere, really), I was pretty sure I’d end up teaching after college. Barely a few weeks after graduation, I found myself going to an interview, saying yes, and completely turning my back on the hopes of going back to being inside a classroom.
Two months into calling Makati my home, you could probably guess that I am nowhere near teaching. Heck, I’m nowhere near writing, even. This disconnect between my goals and dreams vis-à-vis where I am now (see also: perhaps where I need to be at the moment) troubles me constantly, but I know that I have to settle in and accept all these changes soon.
I’m happy, sure, but I just can’t shake the feeling of wanting to be in the academe.
This career thing is tricky business. Somebody help me!
On most days, I feel like I look pretty much like this… Hope to keep it up!
“In a couple of hours, three to be exact, I will welcome 2012 with open arms and a will to let go. I will work extra hard into making this a possibility: no more hurts, no more stress — just a brand new me that I seek to find here, in the other side of the world. Since academics, work, and a few personal things were a difficult juggling act to balance this year, I will do my best to devote time to recharging and moving forward.
Resolutions are not for me, as I struggle to keep up with them in the first place. What I’m promising myself for 2012, though, is that I’m 100% committed to establishing a better foundation for my future—one that is not to be shaken and one that is driven by faith and by hope. Hopefully, love comes along, too—but until then, I’m quite happy with how things have and will turn out. All for the best, as they say. Hello, 2012!”
The excerpt above was from my last entry exactly this day last year. I wrote it in San Francisco (where I spent half of 2012) with a sense of helpless pleading–pleading for the year to be nothing but the best. After a taxing and emotionally challenging 2011, I did not think I would make it if I were to be thrown into another battle much like was it was. In a sense, one might say that I have given up, lost my fighting spirit. But to me, however, it was more of a submission to fate. I was done fighting. I did not want to fight anything in the coming year.
A couple of days ago, I promised myself to finish sorting out the mess that is my room so that my curtains could finally get installed (no photo of my current room, but yes, I did have them successfully up by late of last week). I do my ‘spring cleaning’ thrice a year, one during the summer, one during sembreak and one at the end of the year. This clean-up batch, however, is the most productive (and extensive!) in my opinion, because I’ve found some important things that I didn’t know / forgot existed.
My most jaw-dropping, yes it was that intense, find was this wide-angle converter for my 50mm lens. Since I’ve wanted to focus on my photography more in these coming months, I’m sure that this will come in pretty handy soon enough.
Because of this find, I was determined to fix part of my closet and devote it to my “Things I Love Doing” compartment. I cleared up space for my equipment and I hope this helps inspire me to continue shooting to learn more about the craft.
Every time school starts, I usually get distracted by academics and tend to go on a photography hiatus. However, as it has proven to leave me with nothing but a rusty skill set and zero pictures to work with, I’ve decided that it’s going to be different this semester. Fingers crossed that I hold up to that resolution.
I also made space for my growing collection of books. Ever since I got back from San Francisco, the number of books I have on hand doubled instantly. With the cheap prices and book fairs held almost every month, I couldn’t help but hoard a lot for the trip back home. Unfortunately, I don’t own a bookshelf so I had to make do with stacking them on top of each other and having two layers (front and back) per compartment.
Nonetheless, I’m happy with how this arrangement turned out because I get to put the titles I want to read first in front–creating a special space for my “to read-s.”
I’m glad that I was able to fix these areas to organize my photography and reading materials. Now, it would be easier for me to keep track of both things without getting too lazy or uninspired to shoot or read because I couldn’t find what I need.
Here’s to going back to living the “insect life,” that is, being a shutterbug and bookworm again come the second semester. I’m really excited for the adventures in store!