I tried to bring you up in a conversation today.
Me to my friend from Diliman: “Ah sa UP ka? I used to go to the Sunken Garden before eh — back when I had someone to go and watch the sunset with.”
I don’t know if that’s a good sign of finally moving on (I highly doubt it, though) but what I’m certain about is that it definitely tugged my heart, at the very least. As all of you (well 10 of you perhaps) who read my blog know, I have been in a tough battle with my heart since late May. And, although 5 months have already passed, it seems like the worst part of the pain is just about to come. I’m dealing with my emotions now, but I honestly can’t get a good grip of it even though I try.
I’m lucky enough to have finals week, The GUIDON EvSem in Subic, work and the ACOMM Mid-year PlevSem in Laguna to keep me on my toes and distract me from thoughts of you. Although somehow, even with the efforts I exert in putting you at the back of my head, countless opportunities linked to even the slightest memory of you cough themselves out of nowhere. It’s frustrating and quite frankly, I’m already so tired.
A good friend of mine shared a beautiful poem to me last weekend while we were out-of-town and our favorite line goes something like this: “I wanna be your ex-boyfriend’s stuntman. I will take the risks he was afraid to make, and that includes trusting you.”
After that, it hit me. I wasn’t not over you, because I am. What I’m not over is the fact that you gave up on trusting that we could work and turned to someone else for your reprieve.
Sana binigyan mo ako ng pagkakataong ayusin tayo. Hindi ‘yung hinayaan mo nalang akong magsawa at sumuko dahil wala kang lakas sabihin sa akin na ako nalang pala yung natitirang nagmamahal sayo.
I hope one day I wake up and stop playing Adele and Maroon 5. I hope this lingering pain ends soon.
My dear stuntman, where are you?